Canada, Florida, Canada
my roots.
Friday, February 29, 2008
spring is here...
...and should be celebrated with Mom's favorite poem:
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:
and of the gay great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened
- e.e. cummings
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:
and of the gay great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of all nothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened
- e.e. cummings
Thursday, February 28, 2008
feelings, ick.
I have a difficult time pinning down my emotions.
Yesterday I awoke at 6am, took my puppy out, meditated, ate wheaties standing up while reading a back issue of the New Yorker... nothing unusual happened. I kissed my boyfriend goodbye. Felt good. Didn't want to work. Warm weather. Liked it.
In the car and a half mile away from my house I begin to cry. Big, rolling tears tumbling down my cheeks.
WHAT THE HELL??
So currently I am waiting for the lightening bolt to strike, the big AHA! moment when I realize what the f I was feeling and why. Usually arrives in 2-5 business days. I'll be waiting.
The hardest thing about putting down alcohol is that the stuff that led me to drink in the first place is all still there. Social fears emerge, self doubt, inhibitions, rage and resentment, emptiness and longing, the past, the present, and the future. I perpetually wade through this emotional soup, blind and deaf, not knowing which way is up and which way is down.
And living in the moment.
And being mindful.
And not picking up.
I'm glad clarity comes in small doses, because if I knew all this at the beginning, no WAY would I have ever kept going.
Yesterday I awoke at 6am, took my puppy out, meditated, ate wheaties standing up while reading a back issue of the New Yorker... nothing unusual happened. I kissed my boyfriend goodbye. Felt good. Didn't want to work. Warm weather. Liked it.
In the car and a half mile away from my house I begin to cry. Big, rolling tears tumbling down my cheeks.
WHAT THE HELL??
So currently I am waiting for the lightening bolt to strike, the big AHA! moment when I realize what the f I was feeling and why. Usually arrives in 2-5 business days. I'll be waiting.
The hardest thing about putting down alcohol is that the stuff that led me to drink in the first place is all still there. Social fears emerge, self doubt, inhibitions, rage and resentment, emptiness and longing, the past, the present, and the future. I perpetually wade through this emotional soup, blind and deaf, not knowing which way is up and which way is down.
And living in the moment.
And being mindful.
And not picking up.
I'm glad clarity comes in small doses, because if I knew all this at the beginning, no WAY would I have ever kept going.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
i have come to the conclusion that the mundane and the miraculous are perilously close together. what i consider mundane is oftentimes miraculous - and what i considered miraculous, (usually past tense), i realize later is truly mundane --
enough of my ranting, now i'm off to four hours of class and afterwards continuing my LOST marathon!
another thing
i have come to the conclusion that the mundane and the miraculous are perilously close together. what i consider mundane is oftentimes miraculous - and what i considered miraculous, (usually past tense), i realize later is truly mundane --
enough of my ranting, now i'm off to four hours of class and afterwards continuing my LOST marathon!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
"Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new."
this weekend i will always remember, for so many different things:
t&d's fine dining establishment, a joke never to be forgotten (we make sure of this by repeating it every five to ten minutes)
the majestic airbed
jackie's bursts of laughter, so contagious even strangers smile
the nice indian man with an indian donkey
chinatown... chinatown.
eurasian babies
maxamillian
friendships rising like dough; remade and reformed.... perfect.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
my younger years:
this weekend my dear friend Omar (third from the right) is visiting. he is my best friend from the university of michigan - we have always been there for each other, and I can't wait to show him my home in southern california!
tonight we are driving to see my sister in San Francisco - a six to eight hour ride, depending on how many candy stops I make. poor oms, lucky me ;)
More when we return!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
guess who i am
Hint: For the past three weekends I've been cooped up in a Mariott hotel suite with eight rambunctious strangers.
A) Kate Moss B)insert witty choice c) me! check it out:
Being in the same class as Pete was difficult. As you all know I have a slight competitive streak inherited from... well, both mother and father. I went a bit crazy with my three page lesson plans, overly decorated poster boards, rapid fire note taking, etc. But I did earn the top-student place! (although there were only ten student students in all) I was feeling like the high priestess of TEFL in the car on the way home - a know it all, bragging, pompous high priestess - and Pete brought me down to reality. Thank God for Pete and his good old fashioned honesty.
So now I am taking that competitive zeal and putting it towards finding myself a job. Although I really love the idea of teaching in Argentina, je je je, I don't really love subsisting on 300 US dollars a month.
I have devised this short list of possible places, let me know what you think:
A) Kate Moss B)insert witty choice c) me! check it out:
Being in the same class as Pete was difficult. As you all know I have a slight competitive streak inherited from... well, both mother and father. I went a bit crazy with my three page lesson plans, overly decorated poster boards, rapid fire note taking, etc. But I did earn the top-student place! (although there were only ten student students in all) I was feeling like the high priestess of TEFL in the car on the way home - a know it all, bragging, pompous high priestess - and Pete brought me down to reality. Thank God for Pete and his good old fashioned honesty.
So now I am taking that competitive zeal and putting it towards finding myself a job. Although I really love the idea of teaching in Argentina, je je je, I don't really love subsisting on 300 US dollars a month.
I have devised this short list of possible places, let me know what you think:
- Japan
- Malaysia
- South Korea
- Dubai
- Egypt
- Spain
- France
- Hungary
- Norway
- Holland
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
post one
my first blog entry! So very California, so very cliché. But blogging (verb??) is a good-as-any way of keeping in touch with sisters, parents, relatives, college friends, high school friends, random acquaintances, creepy stalkers, internet prowlers... I could go on. But I won't. Might as well do SOMEthing at work, am I right? Welcome.
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