funny about money

Week six of the Artist’s Way: Recovering a Sense of Abundance.

For many of us, raised to believe that money is the real source of security, a dependence on God feels foolhardy, suicidal, even laughable (105).

I have been forced into focus and frugality. Due to my current financial situation – no money – I have had no choice but to trust in a better future. The only alternative is misery, sheer desperation, and lots and lots of KrispyKreme.

Being with Omar for two weeks straight, and listening to him talk about employment, finances, jobs, etc., I realized how my go-to mindset is the happy optimist. Omar’s is the grumpy optimist bordering on pessimist.

I was raised to believe the money will always come… to desire it belies greed while to earn it demonstrates work ethic. To be materialistic is to be shallow, while to be a modest earner and saver is wholesome and good.

So that is my starting place, my childhood “core” beliefs.

Now how about art and money?

Cameron writes,

what we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us (108).

Is the economy too bad, too scary, too weak to feel this way? I want to write, but how can I write and earn? Do any of you have suggestions about pursuing your passion??

help!

artist's way

So true, Ms. Cameron, so true.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

An example, unedited, also my "exercise" for today:

My first year of college. Freshman year. I decided to visit my family in Florida for spring break. I had a head the size of a planet - I thought I was smarter, better, funnier, cooler, hotter than anybody or anything. This lasted for…. a minute? A prelude to alcoholism and “outside” issues.

In my self-induced orgiastic state, sustained by a rocker boyfriend and the “hipster” scene, I grabbed my little sister and took her to the beach, for a “talk” from the older and wiser.

The ocean was purplish black fringed with yellow, like a bad bruise healing from the outside in. The wind whipped our legs with sand. Typical hurricane's a'coming weather.

We were talking about something or another, and she mentioned feeling self conscious, uncomfortable in her skin, ugly compared to the girls in her grade.

I looked at her. And looked at her. Jackie is, has always been, a startling beauty. Her charm transcends the physical, and although I can’t pin it to any one quality, my gut tells me the beauty is linked to grace and kindness, tenacity and strength.

I gave her a lecture on exactly that, and followed it up with a demonstration of “fake it until you make it,” my (then) personal credo. In true Mac-girl dramatic fashion, I strutted in front of her, shoulders out, eyes bright, smiling – thinking I am beautiful, I am great, I am ridiculously-good-looking. And then I would do “ugly”: hunch my shoulders, pout, squint at the ground. I am ugly, I am shit, I am the scum on the bottom of your shoe. Then I made her do it.

I, of course, had no idea what I was talking about, and I don’t know if she still remembers the day. But somehow, so many years later, I recall that windy beach when I hear the word "affirmation." I remember realizing how important it is to build yourself up, to be loving and kind and generous with compliments. To love yourself, even if you hate yourself.

Cameron suggests countering any “blurts,” or negative thoughts, with positive affirmations, and seeing as I have signed on to do this thing, I best follow her orders.

She makes a valid point, writing, “You will be amazed at the rotten things your subconscious will blurt out. Write them down. These blurts flag your personal negative core beliefs. They hold the key to your freedom in their ugly little claws.”

So off to write my list of "blurts" and corresponding counter praise.

Do any of you use affirmations? Or have you in the past? I would love to hear about it : )

Yesterday's post, written in the airplane:

What is the difference between nurture and enable? Cameron’s writes:

Someone who

Nurtures (v) – gives you a sense of your own competency and possibility,

Someone who

Enables (v) – gives you a message that you will never get it straight with out their help


But, as anything else, enabling has more to do with the enabler than the victim. Or the beneficiary?

********

Artist’s Way Task:

List three nurturing friends who help you, not treat you as though you are helpless. Which of their traits, particularly, serve you well?

- Jackie
o Accepting, Kind, Funny, Kindred Spirit

- Mom
o Creative, Artistic, Clever, Persistent

- Omar
o Aware, Stable, Unconditional, Funny

- Donna
o Aggressive, Strong, Intellectual, High Expectations

To all of you: Who are the nurturers in your life?