Firstly, love is a peculiar thing. There is an almost ludicrous asymmetry between two people. The person at the top of your best friend list may rank you only at the middle of his or her list. However, if you truly, truly loved someone, then you'd be able to realise that it's OK if they don't love you back. True love gives and expects nothing in return; a true unrequited love. So, I've moved on from my perfect potential companion. He gave me the strength to realise that I can move on. He gave me the courage to try something different. He gave me the wisdom and sense for me to also respect myself. So, if you truly loved them, it doesn't matter if they feel the same way, your love conquers all.
If you belive in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That's the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.
I am going through this right now. For those of you whose situation is similar, this is what I suggest: Deal with reality. Stop hoping, dreaming, etc. Pray and tell God that you forgive them for not being able to love you. Ask God to take this from you - and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. Don't tell yourself, maybe someday... they'll change... True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are evil and they don't love you. It means accepting reality. When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on. When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you'll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.
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10 comments:
How do you get over someone? - My dear, it is terribly, terribly hard but you just keep walking in the opposite direction, don't look back, try not to think about them, stop looking at the things they wrote you, put the gifts that they gave you out of sight - one day you will be able to look at them again and smile with fondness but if you are still longing for the giver then they will only keep the wound open.
One day you will have walked far enough and been without them for long enough that the searing pain has dulled to an ache and the ache to a twinge. I don't know if it ever goes away completely but there comes a time when you can look back and enjoy the view, remembering love with gratitude for the lessons that it gave you.
But for now - don't dwell on things, it just hurts too darned much. It takes a long time but I promise you pain does lessen eventually
That was long, sorry, but there you are.
*hugs*
Sian, thank you so much for this. I am literally writing down your words on a post it and tacking them to my computer so that I can remember....
thank you so much <3
God, I think I'm the last person to ask. I spent a good 3 years trying to get back together with the man I thought I loved. I guess every time we got together it just became less and less important til one day I didn't need him anymore. It broke my heart and my spirit and my self esteem and it took a long time for me to feel like a person without him. Now I can look back and say "what was I thinking" but that is after hours of tears, years of pain. See? I'm not helpful at all. One day it just clicked for me. Good support is important. People who tell you you're worth getting on with your life to find the great love you've been waiting for.
I dunno. But I do know you're fabulous. And for whatever reason it didn't work out, it was his loss for losing such a great person.
i don't think you can get over someone by trying to get over someone. what you have to do is try to focus on you, and what's great about you. maybe there were parts of you that you submerged to be with this person. bring those parts of you back out into the open. keep busy. look for beauty. cry if you feel like it. know that there are people pulling for you, people that are capable of seeing how great you are.
I have been there, and never really got the answer to the whys, which I think is the hardest part. But remember that it is ok to mourn over what may hurt you but don't let it paralyze you. After time (which seems to be the only healer) I turned that all around and let that love become my drive for a better person, many art pieces were from wonderful memories. I really can now look at the first paragraph you have in this post and get it now.
I also had to distance myself a little so I could reform to what is now we are friends and I adore and wish only the best for that someone, unconditionally.
So in time..
Break ups are HARD, HARD, HARD. But please whatever you do take that book, "He's just not that into you" and throw it out the window.
No help will come to you in there. There are no rules to dating or to love. Yes, there are signs, but everyone is different and cannont be understood in blanketed book.
Talk care, little bird.
Complain to your friends about him for awhile (stop right before you see them rolling their eyes whenever you bring him up. This means it's time to find another way to move on) and let them talk about what a jerk he was. It'll make you realize how much he lost out on and how NOT your fault it was! Let your friends make you laugh. Delete him from your speed dial, your myspace, facebook, email contacts, wherever he was, delete him. He never existed.
There will be self pity, bad dreams, maybe uncontrollable crying and/or being way too hard on yourself, depending on what kind of person you are. That's ok, but then immediately find a friend who is a bottomless pit of compassion to pull you back up and on your feet. Look to the future. I always used to think "I'll fall in love with someone who loves me back some day and this time will be something I can look back on fondly." And it's true. I look back fondly and even laugh at the worst break up I ever lived through. I made it through because my best friend always listened and was always compassionate. He let me cry and then he gave me the realistic point of view of an outsider. And don't forget to listen to that voice of reason.
I've rambled on long enough. I hope this is answers your question :-)
thank you all so much for giving this answer your thoughtful consideration and full effort... as I said with Sian, I am writing this down so that I can remember -
my best friend is also going through a hard break up - this post will help us both!
so thank you : )
You can never go wrong with prayer.
Hugs~
we need to talk!!!!!!!!! im having some of the same issues it seems. bad dreams too!!! ill call today . im looking for jobs in newport/ san fran!!! we are never alone
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