an image to keep me calm
recently some girl friends from way back - i'm talking high school- have resurfaced.
i grew up (part of the time) in palm beach county, florida - toxic people aplenty. land of the botox beauty and the silicon snake. shiny people with big hair and small hearts whose friendships felt more like death sentences. **
... or was that my hold on myself? did i create the drama in my head?
am i absolutely insane for resenting people from that long ago?
how do you handle past demons? slap a halo on their heads and forgive and forget? or slam that door and keep it locked?
help!
good deed today: donating money to the newport club.
** there are many people who do not fall under this category. the cowie clan, the larkins, the mottas, the parkers, the hickels (aha), our neighbors with the yapster dog - just to name a few.
18 comments:
I always have this problem to. A little more recently for me, i felt as though i was always fighting this benjamin stereotype. Particularly because I consider myself to be very social, people make me happy. But at Benjamin my efforts often lead to downfall. I think it is most important to follow your heart and go with that gut feeling.
Love Jack
It really helped me working the Steps especially in 4 and 9 because I got a chance to see my part in the relationships, forgive myself and make amends, sometimes directly sometimes living amends by not doing friendships that way again.
A wise woman also taught me about "spot it, you got it". The less judgemental I am about myself and others, the less "they" bother me.
Hello :) thanks for the pretty comment you left on my blog this morning. It is nice to meet you. See you again soon.
All I know is that people can change a lot, especially from the people they were in high school, where so many people have no clue who they are anyway.
Some people don't change.
But the only way to find out is to try, and then what's the worse that can happen? You have one more friend?
This happens a lot due to the lovely invention of facebook. Mostly, I say hi and leave it at that. I'm a different person than I was in highschool and drama is not what I'm about. I would take it slow. If you aren't interested in friendship, then don't bother. But don't let past demons pressure who you are and who you've become.
have a good day! xox
Hmmm, difficult. There were definitely some pretty unbelievably sickening girl mobs in that swamp; you absolutely didn't make that up in your head. However, "Slapping" and "slamming" both sound likely to upset you...not a big fan of either option. Happy medium? I need more info: gonna call you at lunch. Sweet that we moved to colorado, huh! Woooh! Lucky us!
Further thoughts: Most of the conflict I experienced down there was painful because it stemmed from such differences in my basic values--- not just with individuals but with their entire families. And a handful of people were just very rude and plain, but that's forgivable. Ok gotta call you!!!
That's a tough one. I guess it really depends on each person and the situation you had with each. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. High school was some time away, and some people change for the better. In those cases I say forgive and forget. But then some folks are just toxic for life and those are the people you want to keep away from.
personally i like to keep that door locked.
I used to be a major grudge holder, to the point that I didn't even remember why the hell I was mad.......I learned that there's no point in harboring that sort of negativity to just let it go......with that being said, it doesn't mean that you have to forgive and forget 'the person'......I think that people do have the ability to change.......you see it all the time.....you've changed.....it just depends on whether or not you want to give them a chance and what they will bring into your life now. Alright, don't get me started....I'm sounding preachy!
I no longer kept in contact with many HS friends, and even some college. I think you just grow apart and do different things. There are a couple of constant friends I've had for years...and those are the real friendships. If they caused drama or we have nothing in common anymore I just say hi and leave it at that.
I'm the type of person to move forward and look ahead. You've learned from these people, but you don't have to stay in contact. Although, I too am not the same person I was back then, and I would hate not to give certain people a second chance.
I agree with Christie: the answer for me was in the Steps. It was through them that I found that the promises came true. Don't ask them exactly how it works, but it does. What I try to do is take all people--including myself--exactly as we are--no better, no worse.
holy shiza!!
thanks for all the comments, i really appreciate this.
i love getting advice from all of you women - i will definitely let you know what happens. and if whatever plan i hatch fails, it's awesome and so comforting to know i have all this support.
have wonderful thursdays, ladies :)
Like Britt said - I would take it slow... and I know these people
love mumb
I agree with Diana - I'm not friends anymore with any of the "friends" I had in HS, and very few from college. We just have nothing in common. Interestingly I did connect with a few HS classmates at a reunion, people I was at best acquainted with in HS, but not friends. And guess what, when we met as adults we found out we had lots in common and now I meet up with them whenever we are in the same town. The HS part becomes just a coincidence.
There are also those from HS who want to make sure the status quo in their head is still the same -- that they are still "cool" and you are still "not cool", according to their definition of "cool" and "success". Remember the dimwits in "Muriel's Wedding"?
yup :) thanks robin, i always love your advice. you are right. i don't think i really need to go back to the muriel's wedding girls - but i will say yes please to the abba :)
i wonder whats up with that whole mumb thing (hehehe)
I was just trying to explain to my acting partner how the benjamin poeople were. I was talking about how shocked I was when I came here because people at home are rude in the way that they talk behind your back, and here (not all people) but some are rude straight to your face. To tell you the truth, I am not sure what I prefer !
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