Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I love: artistic, creative, intelligent (and women) bloggers.



when I was a wee blogger (three months ago) I thought I had discovered a unique way to keep in touch with friends and family. I had no idea I was jumping down a rabbit hole!

There exists a wealth of creative, artistic bloggers out there… here are a few who have inspired me to keep blogging, and “keep creating,” as Diana from please sir says.

disclaimer: I read tons of other blogs, but these are the ones who I consistently read and comment on – and these are the bloggers who comment on my posts, as well. I don’t mean to leave anyone out! I am doing a different “recovery” blog section, so (ahem, Lana), I haven’t forgotten you!


first, we have an old favorite, wayfaring wanderer. talented, beautiful, and poetic. 

then another robin, from a bird in hand, who is creative, funny, and gives amazing advice.

a cup of jo, one of my personal role models:

Mrs. French! This lady rocks! find her at bliss. 

my friend from the Midwest, who keeps everything funny: la dolce vita

I LOVE her photographs, her finds, and her nifty photoshop skills: please sir blog. 

have to include sizzle, who writes beautifully. 

toothfairyadventures is a kindred spirit - I don't know why, but I feel connected to this blogger!

she makes me laugh... and laugh... and laugh. sarakastic

a wonderful, whimsical artist whose blog I recently stumbled upon: looney bin art

whenever I need to be inspired I read about her creative life: amy t sharp. 

I admire this woman’s strength and positive attitude. She’s another role model! 1218.


another flip flop wearing, sunshine lovin', socal girl! gorgeous footsteps in the sand 

I so appreciate each and every one of you! Thank you all :)

Monday, May 5, 2008

I love: Omar.

this is a post from my best friend, omar. i have written about him many times before. i love this person with all my heart! here's why: 



After a year of marriage my parents were informed that my mother was incapable of conceiving. In spite of this, my parents tried in vain for several years to have children. After five years of failure, they began looking into adoption. It was only after they narrowed down their choices that my mother discovered that she was pregnant with me. My sister was born a little less than two years later. Simply by existing, my sister and I have brought my parents the greatest joy. It’s an interesting feeling.

Perhaps this explains Mom’s insistence that her little children abstain from “ordinary clothing.” No jeans or t-shirts for me as a toddler. I wore sailor suites, home-made shirts, pirate garments, and mini-tuxedos to the movies.

My sister, Sofia, and I were the best dressed children in Baltimore, without question. It’s probably more accurate to say, most uniquely dressed. Mom was always photographing us in our interesting clothing. She would stand back, make some ridiculous face, fumble with her camera, and I would start laughing, lost in my own world while Sofia remained perfectly fixated on the camera.

We lived in a beautiful, early 19th century Colonial-style house in Baltimore. The basement had concrete floors, a series of dog kennels my father had built when he unsuccessfully dabbled in dog breeding, and very dim lighting. It was humid, moldy, and there were old, rusty power-tools my father hung on the walls and never used. In short, it was a dungeon. For several months, my sister and I believed that our parents were the king and queen from some forgotten country, seriously. We would search the entire house for jewels, much to my mother’s dismay when she saw me toting around her necklaces like a pirate carrying away his booty. Perhaps this is why my mother designed a sailor suite for me, perhaps but probably not.

So Mom, I have no idea why you dressed me as a sailor, but I love you for it.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

I love: Billy Collins.


Japan

Today I pass the time reading
a favorite haiku,
saying the few words over and over.

It feels like eating
the same small, perfect grape
again and again.

I walk through the house reciting it
and leave its letters falling
through the air of every room.

I stand by the big silence of the piano and say it.
I say it in front of a painting of the sea.
I tap out its rhythm on an empty shelf.

I listen to myself saying it,
then I say it without listening,
then I hear it without saying it.

And when the dog looks up at me,
I kneel down on the floor
and whisper it into each of his long white ears.

It's the one about the one-ton temple bell
with the moth sleeping on its surface,

and every time I say it, I feel the excruciating
pressure of the moth
on the surface of the iron bell.

When I say it at the window,
the bell is the world
and I am the moth resting there.

When I say it at the mirror,
I am the heavy bell
and the moth is life with its papery wings.

And later, when I say it to you in the dark,
you are the bell,
and I am the tongue of the bell, ringing you,

and the moth has flown
from its line
and moves like a hinge in the air above our bed.

understated and underrated, he is the underdog of the poetry genre. i love his frankness, his simplicity, and his lack of pretense. he seems like the kind of guy you could go boating with... the kind of man who would be content eating chicken fingers and skipping rocks on the lake. 

here is a poem he wrote about mothers. goes with the weekend's theme, don't you think? 


The Lanyard

The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.

No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.

I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.

She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light

and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.

Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth

that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

us.



old photographs courtesy of my Money & Grampa Walsh. 

Friday, May 2, 2008

I love: Mum.

i love my mum. this is her painting and her writing - her post!



We’re up at our cottage for this first week in May. The ice left our lake only last week and there are still patches of stubborn snowdrifts in the shadowy parts of the forest. Freshly uncovered soil is covered with brown crackly leaves from last autumn. Maple trees have just started to bud and the only ground growth yet are the first shoots of the trillium lilies. The air smells loamy and promising. It’s all so wonderfully familiar. Yesterday as I was walking along the deserted road that circles Paint Lake, I had a powerful sensation of connecting to my past- walking along another lake and through another woods.

We moved to Shanty Bay in June, the summer before I was about to start elementary school. For Pat, Chris and me, and later Sandy, the five-acre property gently sloping down to the lake was our personal paradise.

A cedar forest stood outside of my bedroom window. Here we built tree forts, erected make-shift tents with Money’s old sheets, buried secret treasures, held circuses, made museums, put on plays and staged elaborate games with fluid rules. Our world was our own to organize – without the intervention and rules of adults. In these secret places we could play God.

Later that summer we met some other kids who lived about three miles down the shore. At that time there were no fences or development, only a few rickety old cottages between our houses. Traveling back and forth became all day adventures. Sometimes there were spirits of Indians hiding behind trees pocked with imaginary arrowheads; sometimes there were fairies in the woods that barely eluded us. One of the old cottages was haunted and we would run screaming in horror hearing the restless ghosts rattling inside. Always there was magic.

We believed, or wanted to believe, in crazy things. We would stuff our clothes full of exploded fuzzy milk weed silk and run as fast as we could from the top of the road down to the lake with our arms stretched out- hoping to fly. We left food for the elves that lived in the small caves in the bank. We ate the violets in the spring, believing the sweet purple nectar would grant us special powers.

Often I would get my siblings up well before my parents and organize milk, Shreddies, bowls and spoons. Our trek took us up the road to the giant elm at the bottom of the hill of violets where we’d eat in the sunshine and march home – still in our pajamas. It was during one of these picnic breakfasts that I noticed a patch of soft grass under a willow tree. It was circular, about six feet in diameter and perfectly hidden by the long pale green branches. This became my very own secret place and for many summers I would hide out in the shady alcove, reading favorite books, writing and drawing.

Now my girls like to gently tease me about loving this isolated Canadian cottage in the woods. There are no shops or restaurants and this area is completely devoid of any entertainment or culture except for that of the self made variety. But this place by the lake and the woods makes my imagination soar and my creativity blossom- like I am seven again. Like I can do it all over again. Like I have a secret place, again.

Jen McIntosh

Thursday, May 1, 2008

I love: Sir Sampson.

A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.

a rebuttal, in part, to here.

Ode to Sir Sampson

WELL my black and white furry friend,
this is a far cry from the end -
Steel my heart for the day,
the dog police takes you away.

THEY'LL come pounding upon our door,
I’ll kneel before them, and implore -
“Let me keep my Sammy-head!
He loves me too! and takes most of the bed!”


You eat fine steaks, and old birthday cakes -
You love Bob Mac, and also the Jack -
You have an Aunt Halley, and for the grand finale -
Everyone loves you! (I’m almost through)

Who would I take on marathon walks?
Who would stay sit for one hour talks?
When I paint my nails, he gnaws on his bone -
And I never again have to feel alone.

So off with your bells, your whistles, your sirens –
Don’t I write sort of like Byron?
I am keeping my little Sir Sampson guru –
and with that, thank goodness, i'll say adieu!

-----
Ridiculous? Yes, definitely ridiculous. Mum made me write it for one of the award ceremonies.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

rabbit, rabbit, rabbit!


This hasn’t been my happiest month, but project good deed has served me well. This blog has officially kept my mind off of ExBoyfriend and depressing thoughts. Most of the time. Very good indeed.

I have a skeletal idea of what I want to do next… but as I did last month, I’m opening it up to all of you!

Here are my thoughts:

Every day I add to the daunting sheaf of pages I call my “idea pad”. Last night I was flipping through it and I realized that most of the “ideas” aren’t my own, they are from other people – from the blogs I read, the comments I get, the people I talk to – etc.

So every post this month has been about me, and what I’m doing. I want every post in May to be about all of you!

I’m going to call this project, The Ones I Love.

More tomorrow. Tonight I am going to make lists....!

Final good deed: to volunteer at the L House once a month. It's a recovery home for homeless women. 10! 

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

29th kindness: almost done!

One the my fellow bloggers, a woman who writes words I love, recently commented on Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Read her post here:

Sizzle Says, Part of the Solution

Even as women, we act as girls.

Exhibit One: Popular songs titles.
Girls just want to have fun. Boys don’t cry.

Exhibit Two: Expressions.
You throw like a girl. Don’t be a girl about it. Man up.

I could go on, but I won't.

Even later in life, past the age of dolls and ponies, women are taught to be girls. If we don’t fall into specific roles – assigned early on – then we are … the b word, the c word, the w word, and the s word. We are met with ridicule, disapproval, scorn… even disgust.

Good girls are:
- polite
- smiling
- soft spoken
- cardigan and skirt wearing
- compliant
- trophy wives
- living in orange county
- relationship/ family oriented
- sugar and spice, and everything nice

When a guy pursues you with aggression he is "driven" – when a girl does, she’s a psycho stalker. I heard this at a very young age – never call a boy, never be easy, always play hard to get. And I listened!!

Case and point: current situation with my ex-boyfriend. He still has my keys, and my sneakers, and I need them back - so I have been trying to get a hold of him... and nothing!!! he won't answer my calls, if he responds to my texts it's with a measly one word answer "huh" and "no" and if i'm lucky, "call you in 5" - needless to say, he doesn't call in five. he doesn't call in ten. he doesn't call in f-ing 24, 36, 72 hours.
I feel like a crazy person!! I don't want to lose myself in this web of mind games. The funny part? Most likely he doesn't even realize it - I feel like I'm five again, talking to my imaginary friend.
I am shy about asking for what I need - my keys, my shoes, my sanity - because I feel aggressive and out of my element. I know how to get the boy - I flutter my eyelashes, laugh a lot, and never make the phone call or the "let's hang out" suggestion. My success with men, sad to say, is contingent on acting like a “girl”.

When I was in seventh grade my boyfriend called me an “Estella” – we were reading Great Expectations at the time. I think this is one of my most fitting insults. Once I bait them I throw them back. And if I do hold onto them, eventually a time comes when I get irritable-restless-discontent, in FEAR, and I push them away - by making their lives hell.
How much of this ability to “attract” stems from fear? From loneliness? Fear of rejection, or worse, fear of loving and not being loved in return?

It’s easier to just “be a girl”. You are taken care of, you are spoiled, you are “provided for”.

BUT. I don’t want to lead a limited life. Twenty years from now I don’t want to bored, sitting around the house in curlers, ironing my husband’s wool socks for the 6,000th time. If this is my fate, twenty one years from now I’ll wake up in the bottle.

So I shyly, and humbly, am embarking on a – hopefully – different life.

And f*ck, if I have to go on ONE MORE BAD DATE, I might become a lesbian.

Seriously.
I just want to be myself and say things like:
aaron: hi, robin?
me: hi!
aaron: hi.
me: hi.
bla bla bla
aaron: it's hot, isn't it? i think it was ninety something today
me: yeah i stuck my head in the freezer like ten times this weekend
aaron: what?
me: then i let sam have a go
aaron: oh
me: oh.
aaron: oh.
poor aaron. probably thinking, what a psycho that girl was...

good deed yesterday and today: helping a friend in need. and letting another friend use my car so she can make an early class.
Q

breaking up: oh so hard

We would have been dating for two years on March 14th. He relocated to Michigan, then California for me. When we moved into this apartment we had so much hope for ourselves. People told us it was too soon, but we didn’t listen. We were fools in love. Know it alls. Uniques.

And now here I sit, my seltzer one hand, typing with the other. Our dog, really my dog, running circles around my legs. ExBoy came today and picked up the rest of his “stuff” – most of which I bought him. The fancy bike I got him for his birthday, the scenester sweater I came home with “just because” – I think he even took the salt shaker I swiped from a table in Costa Rica. But he did leave my keys! And no note. Oh, and no sneakers.

This apartment is like a memory minefield – yesterday I opened a rarely used kitchen cabinet to find a miniature “love” card I left him – I hid ten or so around the house, and this one said – Knock Knock, I love you!.

Little reminders of how hard I tried, how deeply I loved him, and how willing I was to make it work. Little reminders of how I failed, how my efforts were in vain, and how I couldn't control the end result.

Too depressing a post? I apologize if it’s heavy, but my heart has been a little heavy today, and I needed to lighten the load. Talking about it and knowing I did the right thing by ending it helps me. Looking back, I realize that I had reached my limit, that limit we all know in our gut. Enough was enough.

On a more positive note! For my good deed today, I went down a meeting phone list/ email list (about 25 or so names) and gave each one a positive message from my morning meditation book. I got two "you kept me sober today"s and one "um, I'm not an alcoholic".
Maybe I can’t be happy every day, but I can try to make someone else happy every day!

Have a good night, everyone. And please, if you have any advice on the aforementioned topic, I could really use some different perspectives!

i'm a woman, hear me purr - kindness #27&28

Monday, April 28, 2008

i love: something I can't describe.

The opposite of fear is faith –

The word spirituality. What do I think of when I hear this word? BC (before change) spirituality conjured: the boogieman of our generation, the cult of corny, groovy new agers with long hair and balloon pants – dear god, should I say it? Fanney packs. Fanney packs and Enya.

And post-change (referred to as an “entire physic change” by a man many of you know), I view the word differently.

It’s a cliché saying, but it helped me when I first tried to understand why this small word would posesses a big place in my newly fashioned life:

Religion is for people who are scared of hell; spirituality is for people who have been there.

Zen Quote: “God is a thousand dawnings.”

Feel the love-bliss all around you, as my modern day mystic, Barry, would say. Everyone and everything is inextricably linked. The only thing that separates me and you and me and “God” is the ego.

The ego is: conscious or unconscious separation from.

From my spiritual mentor, Barry, I have some homework: write poetry and consider life's beautiful faces - the aha! dawnings.
Some old classics: the ocean, the sea, the rain. Or Sam’s puppy face staring up at me first thing every morning. My Mom’s laugh, my Dad’s chuckle. Jackie’s wry comments. Cassie's mushy moments when she turns to the sun like a flower. The way I feel after talking to an old friend, relaxed and inspired, shrouded in love bliss.

And on and on.

Just things to think about.

I love something I can’t name.

Have a great week, everyone!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

franz wright



And the ocean smells like lilacs in late August–how
is that.

The light there muted (silver) as remembered light.

Do you have any children?

No, lucky for them.

Bad things happen when you get hands, dolphin.

Can you tell us a little bit about your upbringing?

There is no down or up in space or in the womb.

If they’d stabbed me to death on the day I was born, it
would have been an act of mercy.

Like the light the last room, the windowless room at the
end, must look out on. Gold-tinged, blue

vapor trail breaking up now like the white line you see,
after driving all day, when your eyes close;

vapor trail breaking up now between huge clouds resembling
a kind of Mt. Rushmore of your parents’ faces.

And these untraveled windy back roads here–cotton
leaves blowing past me, in the long blue
horizontal light–

if I am on an island, how is it they go on forever.

This sky like an infinite tenderness, I have caught
glimpses of that, often, so often, and never yet have
I described it, I can’t, somehow, I never will.

How is it that I didn’t spend my whole life being happy, loving
other human beings’ faces.

And wave after wave, the ocean smells like lilacs in
late August.

Friday, April 25, 2008

 
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